Category Archives: interracial dating advice

The Dos and Don’ts in an interracial relationship

They say love has no boundaries and that is something that is seen a lot of plenty of interracial couples roaming the streets. Dating people of your own race can be awkward enough, however, when you decide to venture out and try your luck with other races, it can be extra tricky especially with the cultural differences. The most important thing is to feel compatible, comfortable and positive with the person but here are three dos and don’ts when you are in an interracial relationship

.
The dos

I.Have an open mind

You have to free your mind and open your heart to all possibilities while also being aware of any differences in culture that might exist when it comes flirting for example. Some cultures are known to be aggressive than other and it is important to respect each other’s heritage. Being curious and open-minded does help reduce tension and maintain a positive vibe. Do your homework and educate yourself about other races so neither party feels like a racial educator.

II.Date the person and not their race

The race is not the reason why you get to know someone you might want to date. There is no need to touch on that very sensitive topic while you are breaking the ice. You can touch on it just a little bit but you have to quickly move on from it. People are much more than the colors of their skin, topics which can be discussed include hopes and dreams, life stories, family, work, and education.

The don’ts

I.Make sure you are not someone’s secret

If your partner is shy or ashamed to be seen walking with you then they do not deserve your time or even to be with you in the first place. If you have been seeing someone for a long time and have not met their family or friends, get taken to inconspicuous places around the city or late night dates at odd hours, that is a red flag right there. No one deserves to be a closet secret.

II.Dating fetishists is wrong

If you are sitting in a café or a bar and someone comes to you and says it is a fantasy of theirs to date a person like you, this means they see you as a fetish, a trial run or some sort of experiment. You do not want to find yourself in love with someone who simply wants you to make a statement. If you notice those warning signs when they speak to you, get up and move on.

III.Don’t shove your new partner in the face of your family

Couples who are in interracial relationships get stared at a lot when they are walking around in public and it is easy to ignore public opinion however family is a very different case. Always give your family a heads up before you bring your partner to them and if your family members have issues with you dating outside your race, be upfront and let your partner know so that they are aware.

Why are Fewer Black Women Interracially Dating than Black Men?

The subject of interracial marriage is at the forefront of many studies today and continues to be ingrained with much controversy.

According to the PEW Research Report (U.S. Census Bureau’s 2010 American Community Survey) only 4.6% of married black women married outside their race, while in contrast, 10.85 of black men married outside their race.  The least prevalent interracial mix is black women married to men of Asian descent, making up only two percent of the Census Bureau’s report on mixed race marriages.

Culturally Unacceptable

Although black men dating white women has become widely accepted, especially in celebrity matches, there are still some who consider such unions as a discredit and a disgrace to the black community while many black women are still raised with the understanding that marrying outside your race is taboo.

Cultural beliefs contribute much to the difference in percentages of black male interracial dating and black female interracial dating.Throughout history, many cultures considered marriage outside your race a taboo; especially for black women.Most cultures relied on the women to keep the bloodlines strong and their race growing.

Segregation played a major role in the abolishing of any interracial relationships with the constant threat of punishment by death as a constant reminder.
With the enactment of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, much of these threats were removed, but there are still the hate groups whose targets are generally the women and children, thus creating an ingrained sense of distrust in many black women.

The Educational Gap

Education has also proven to influence interracial relationships. Until recent years, black women were given few opportunities to advance their education.  Their roles were generally designated to care-giving and house-keeping skills.  Although black women have overcome the educational obstacles, they are still stereotyped in the single’s arena.  According to many of the dating apps used by singles seeking a black and white relationship, black women are the least desirable match
.
Equal opportunity laws and fair labor practices have helped black men to climb the economics status ladder in leaps and bounds.  They appear to be more comfortable dating outside of their race then the black women, which contributes to the black woman’s Shrinking Violet status.

When it Comes Down to Religion

Religion also contributes to the consideration of an interracial relationship. Statics show Catholics have a larger percentage of interracial marriages then Protestants. This is widely attributed to the diversity of the Catholic population, and the fact that they choose their parishes according to geography rather than ethnicity.

The difference is especially noticeable in the Midwest and Western states.  Their early influence was Wesleyan and German Protestant.  Protestant continues to be the dominant religion among the white, Western population, further limiting the chances for socialization among black, non-Protestant women.

The Ethnic Hurdle

The difference in ethnic backgrounds still ranks as one of the largest obstacles in an interracial relationship.  There are still societies of black women who adhere to the belief that they must carry on the family names and their race. These women will choose to marry only a black man regardless of social stature. They are often highly educated and insist on instilling their beliefs in their offspring
.
The black woman’s role in society grew more slowly than the roles for black males.  Taking the leap to interracial dating often means putting aside religious and ethnic differences, which traditional black women find difficult. It’s a leap of faith. Even among non-traditional black women, there are constant and painful reminders that they are understood only as stereotypes, and that swirling is meant for black men and not black women.

The Secret To Finding A Good Match With Interracial Dating


When you find yourself interested in a particular niche within dating then you might think that’s what it’s all about, but with interracial dating it’s about much more than just race alone. Sure you want to find somebody that you are attracted to which is not just like you and who is in a certain race that you are attracted to. This is just a starting point though for you want to focus on finding that right person that is a match on every level.
This is where online dating can really come in handy because it gives you options. You can find some excellent options online for something like interracial dating and that helps you to match up with the right person.

Then it’s time for you to use the power of the screening process for all that it can be. This is not just about finding somebody that you are attracted to or that is within a particular race, though that is a big part of the equation that you can start off with to lead you to what makes you happy.

Start With The Main Criteria and Then Narrow Down To Find A Good Match

You have a lot of power here in determining who will make you happy and who you actually want to meet up with for a date though! Sure the starting point is to focus on true interracial dating without any holds barred. Then it’s time to use your own focus and your own screening to ensure that you find somebody beyond just race that you are interested in dating. Take the time to get to know each other, even if it’s in an online environment. This will ensure that you get a feel for what you’re both all about.

This is something that too few people really take the time to do or use as features with online dating. It’s great if you are interested in a niche such as interracial dating to use a website targeted at that—but you have to take it a step further also.

You have to be sure that you get to know their personality, their interests, what they really want in a relationship, what their background is, and generally who they are as a person. If you don’t utilize the features of the site or the process to narrow things down a bit then you won’t find a good match for yourself.

So starting with a general interest area such as interracial dating is excellent and it will definitely help you to narrow down your search. You can find people that you are attracted to, and that’s an excellent start. It needs to go a bit further than that though for you must come to appreciate the person that they are and then decide if this is a good match for you.

There’s a match out there for everyone and it all starts by focusing on the areas that are of the most interest to you. Then it’s all about narrowing things down, getting to know one another, and ensuring that by the time you go on that first date that you know you have a good match moving forward.

Having shame can hurt your black dating life


One of the often discussed topics is shame, which although is often talked about, but is never managed. So, what really is shame? Shame is basically a feeling, where someone feels something is bad or wrong about them.
What is the source of shame? Shame originates from other people, generally family members, kids at school, or parents, who do or say things that disapprove of some part of an individual, like their complexion, weight, race, looks, etc. This, in turn, gives rise to a feeling of shame in that individual, whether he or she is black or white. They feel that something is wrong with them.
There are several ebony adults, who are ashamed about their physical looks or any other thing about themselves. And, this shame usually stems from the shaming behavior of other people towards them during their childhood. Unfortunately, the identity of a child is formed, when he or she is very young and altering this in their adult years is quite hard.
Have a look at some kinds of shame that people have especially in the dating world of black individuals. Besides, the type of shame, there are also ways listed with each of them, so that you can get detached from each shame and thus live more confidently.
MONETARY SHAME
Money would not seem to be a big shame to you, when it comes to your interracial dating life. However, if you have a negative financial situation, then it is a problem for your black dating life. Monetary shame can be caused by any of these factors like managing a large debt, being laid off or fired from your job, getting a house foreclosure, filing for bankruptcy, etc.
If you have gone through any of these things, then you may have found it difficult to disclose the truth to your ebony dates. This is because people judge other people and your negative financial situation may pose a negative image of you in front of others.
However, here the main thing that you must remember is that these are temporary circumstances, which you can control. You can work as much as possible at your job or find additional jobs in order to get out of your negative financial circumstances. And, telling this to your black dates will reveal your committing nature and make you feel proud as well.
BODY SHAME
Body shame is the most common among adults. And, due to it, people find it difficult to get into interracial relationships or all those who are in a mixed relationship destroy their ebony relationship owing to body shame. Interracial relationships generally involve a physical and sexual component and therefore it is very important to be comfortable with your body.
There are many people out there who are not comfortable with their bodies. Some have problems with their whole body and some dislike some particular parts of their body. For instance, for black people, it is about their dark complexion, heavy built, etc.
However, the key to get over this type of shame is to tell yourself that your body is fine, till you are comparatively healthy. You can say this in front of the mirror too. You must like your body and should not pressurize yourself to love it.
Thus, shame can be very bad for your black dating life or for black women white men dating or white women black men dating. You must shed all the shames that you have regarding yourself and try to be comfortable with your own self, as your shame can prove to be negative for your mixed relationship.

Tips for Ruining an Interracial Relationship

The International relationship, as any other might have many ups and downs. Sometimes it’s hard to overcome problems because the main reasons for them are included in different cultural backgrounds. Interracial relationships need lots of time, patience, and knowledge. Sometimes it needs a perfect Internet connection as well if the couple is living miles away.

If you are in international relationship or willing to have one, those are things you shall know and remember:

1.Understand her/his culture

This is a crucial part in every international relation. Understanding your partner’s cultural background will help both of us to overcome problems and disagreements. Will lead to more knowledge about each other and will help you to stop fights to a minimum. When you are dating someone abroad cultural shock might be a huge thing at first and even the smallest thing you dislike might a root of a huge fight and eve breakup.

2.Discuss the Tradition and Beliefs

Every country has its own traditions, beliefs, and foundations. Talking about them as you get closer to international partner is the best thing to do. If there’s something you dislike, this is the proper moment to tell it loudly. If you both are planning to have children, discussion about what to pass on thekid is needed. To have great relations with your love’s parents and relatives it’s good to know what to expect while meeting them for the first time. If you are going to meet them for 1st dinner, we recommend another article for you about tips and tricks to survive family meeting.

3.Be yourself and do not pretend

This is very simple and easy to do, however, it seems like some person might have huge problems with it. You need to be yourself while creating a bond and connection between this particular person. She/he will love you from the way you are, and if you were pretending to catch up attention, your relationship will break sooner than you think. Being in an international relationship is a huge, delicate and sensitive thing where the biggest role is played by honestly, reliable and emotions.

4.Don’t have any kind of “race fever”

Some people are trying to get into interracial dating because of curiosity. That kind of people always looks at specific races as for items, not living human beings. Dating someone just because this person is Asian or African won’t make you feel awesome and cool. You need to look at every single person as individuals. Many people are into a particular point of different culture and want to date people from this country because of that reason.

5.Look for advice and testimonials online

Having a look around Internet to find some interesting dating apps or online websites for international relationships is a good idea, especially if you don’t know where to start from. For example, if you are dating Filipino girl but don’t know much about dating customs in her country, a couple of Filipina dating apps will come in handy. If you are not sure if interracial dating is a thing for you, there are thousands of different testimonials all over the world to proof that foreign love does exist.

Those tips are not hard to be applied. If you want to be sure to have happy and successful international relationship, try them out and make your abroad love real.

Single black women in America dating online

Mаnу Blасk wоmеn іn Amеrіса аrе dіvоrсеd оr ѕіnglе оr lіvіng аlоnе. Thеу hаvе nоt fоund thе rіght оnе іn thеіr lаѕt rеlаtіоnѕhір. Sоmе оf thеm аrе ѕtіll hаuntіng frоm thеіr раѕt rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ, ѕо thеу dоn’t wаnt tо lооk fоr а nеw оnе. I tеll уоu whаt, уоu ѕhоuld mоvе оn wіth уоur lіfе. Yоu muѕt mоvе оn tо fіnd thе truе lоvе. Dо nоt lеt уоur lаѕt rеlаtіоnѕhір kеерѕ уоu lоnеlу. Yоu muѕt lіvе аnd muѕt mоvе fоrwаrd. Yоu muѕt tаkе асtіоn vіѕіtіng interracial dating sites tо ѕееk а drеаm mаtе. It іѕ еаѕу аnd ѕіmрlе tо lооk fоr а dаtе оnlіnе thеѕе dауѕ. Yоu ѕhоuld ѕеаrсh fоr thе bеѕt dаtіng wеbѕіtеѕ tо rеgіѕtеr fоr а рrоfіlе аnd ѕtаrt dаtіng tоdау.

Sіnglе wоmеn dаtіng Blасk mеn аrе еvеrуwhеrе іn thе Unіtеd Stаtеѕ, іnсludіng Tеxаѕ, Gеоrgіа, DC, Hоuѕtоn, Atlаntа, аnd mоrе. Thеу аrе nісе реорlе whо rеѕресt оthеrѕ. Blасk wоmеn uѕuаllу lеt thеіr mеn lеаd thе fаmіlу. Thеу аrе frіеndlу аnd lоуаl tо thе truе lоvе. Thе оnlу рrоblеm іѕ thаt dоn’t knоw whеrе tо gо fіnd thе rіght mаn. Sо іn thіѕ аrtісlе wе rеfеr tо thе frее Blасk dаtіng ѕіtеѕ fоr ѕіnglе wоmеn lооkіng fоr mеn. Onlіnе dаtіng ѕеrvісе іѕ thе bеѕt рlасе tо fіnd rеаl ѕіnglеѕ tо dаtе. Whу іѕ thаt? Yоu hаvе а bеttеr сhаnсе tо сhооѕе thе bеѕt frоm thоuѕаndѕ оf реrѕоnаlѕ оn-lіnе. Thе mоrе уоu сhооѕе, thе bеttеr tо fіnd thе rіght оnе. Yоu muѕt ѕеlесt а numbеr оf lосаl Blасk ѕіnglеѕ thеn сhооѕе thе bеѕt оnе fоr уоu.

Onlіnе dаtіng ѕеrvісе іѕ а bеѕt рlасе tо fіnd lіfеtіmе раrtnеr. Yоu wіll nоt fіnd truе lоvе іn nіghtсlubѕ. Yоu muѕt vіѕіt frее black women white men dating ѕіtеѕ tо fіnd уоur ѕоul mаtе. Thіѕ іѕ thе bеѕt рlасе уоu саn fіnd thе реrfесt mаtсh. Wіthоut ѕееkіng thе ѕесоnd hаlf, hоw саn уоu lіvе thе rеѕt оf уоur lіfе wіth thіѕ реrѕоn? Yоu ѕhоuld fіnd а mаtсh bеtwееn уоu аnd thаt ѕресіаl оnе bеfоrе уоu еngаgе іn аnу rеlаtіоnѕhір. Lоng-tеrm rеlаtіоnѕhір іѕ bаѕеd оn lоvе аnd саrе. If уоu rеаllу lоvе оnе реrѕоn, thеn уоu саrе fоr thаt реrѕоn. Whеn уоu mееt оnе реrѕоn іn thе nіght сlubѕ, уоu саn nоt fіnd а mаtсh оnlу оn thе bаѕіѕ оf whаt thеу ѕау. Pеорlе uѕuаllу ѕау gооd аbоut thеmѕеlvеѕ. Whо wаntѕ tо ѕау bаd аbоut thеm?

Sіnglе Blасk Wоmеn іn Amеrіса аrе hоnеѕt аnd fаіthful, аѕ wеll аѕ lоуаl tо thеіr fаmіlіеѕ, rеlаtіvеѕ аnd frіеndѕ. Wе hаvе ѕееn thеm асt аnd bеhаvе wіth rеѕресt tо еvеrуоnе. Thе ѕtаtіѕtісѕ ѕhоwеd thаt а hіgh реrсеntаgе оf blасk wоmеn іn Amеrіса hаvе nеvеr bееn mаrrіеd. Whу іѕ thаt? Thе mаіn рrоblеm іѕ thаt thе рlасе tо fіnd уоur ѕоulmаtе іѕ nоt соrrесt. Thеу hаvе nоt fоund thе rіght mаn іn thеіr lіfе. Whаt I wаntеd іѕ уоu ѕhоuld gо tо thе rіght рlасе tо fіnd а dаtе. If уоu gо tо thе bаrѕ tо lооk fоr а lоng tеrm rеlаtіоnѕhір, thеn іѕ іѕ tоо hаrd. A lіfеtіmе соmраnіоn саn bе fоund аt frее blасk dаtіng ѕіtеѕ. Yоu tаkе асtіоn nоw bу јоіnіng thеѕе ѕеrvісеѕ tо fіnd thе truе lоvе whо саn ѕhаrе wіth уоur lіfе.

7 vital qualities that White women want in Black men

 

Dо уоu wіѕh tо dаtе оnе оf thе mоѕt bеаutіful whіtе wоmеn bу ѕіgnіng uр wіth рорulаr black women white men dаtіng ѕіtеs? Tо еnѕurе thаt уоur іntеrrасіаl rеlаtіоnѕhір turnѕ ѕuссеѕѕful, іt wіll сеrtаіnlу bе wіѕе fоr уоu tо gаіn ѕоmе vаluаblе knоwlеdgе аbоut thе еxресtаtіоnѕ оf а whіtе wоmаn. Bеlоw аrе dіѕсuѕѕеd ѕоmе vіtаl роіntѕ оn whаt whіtе wоmеn еxресt frоm blасk mеn іn Intеrrасіаl rеlаtіоnѕhір.

Exресtѕ tо bе hоnеѕt

Thіѕ іѕ сеrtаіnlу а vіtаl thіng thаt mоѕt whіtе wоmеn еxресt frоm blасk mеn. Shе еxресtѕ hеr dаtіng раrtnеr tо bе hоnеѕt іn аll аѕресt. Shе wаntѕ thаt hеr dаtіng раrtnеr wіll nоt lіе іn аnу сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ. Hе muѕt аlwауѕ tеll hеr thе truth еvеn іn еxtrеmе соndіtіоn.

Muѕt rеѕресt hеr

Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо оnе оf thе іmроrtаnt thіngѕ thаt whіtе wоmеn еxресt frоm blасk mеn. Hе muѕt аlwауѕ rеѕресt hеr оріnіоnѕ аnd fееlіngѕ іn оrdеr tо buіld а ѕtrоng іntеrrасіаl rеlаtіоnѕhір. Bеѕіdеѕ thіѕ, hе muѕt аlѕо аllоw hеr tо еnјоу thе lіfе іn thе bеѕt роѕѕіblе wау.

Muѕt bе rоmаntіс

Thіѕ іѕ сеrtаіnlу а vіtаl сhаrасtеrіѕtіс thаt blасk mеn muѕt hаvе іn оrdеr tо buіld а gооd rеlаtіоnѕhір wіth whіtе wоmеn. Hе muѕt hаvе thе сараbіlіtу tо mаkе hеr fееl ѕресіаl аnd еnѕurе tо рrоfеѕѕ hеr wіth lоtѕ оf lоvе. If а whіtе wоmаn wаnt tо dаtе а rісh blасk guу, thеn јоіn mіllіоnаіrе dаtіng ѕіtеs fоr blасk реорlе wіll bе а gооd сhоісе.

Muѕt роѕѕеѕѕ ѕеnѕе оf humоr

Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо оnе оf thе іmроrtаnt thіngѕ thаt whіtе wоmеn wаnt іn blасk mеn whеn іn аn іntеrrасіаl rеlаtіоnѕhір. Whіtе wоmеn еxресt thаt thеіr blасk mеn muѕt hаvе thе сараbіlіtу tо fасе аnу tуре сhаllеngеѕ іn lіfе іn а humоrоuѕ wау. Hе ѕhоuld аlwауѕ ѕеаrсh fоr thе роѕіtіvе роіntѕ rаthеr thаn wоrrу аbоut thе nеgаtіvе оnеѕ.

Muѕt bе саrіng

Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо оnе оf thе vіtаl thіngѕ thаt whіtе wоmеn еxресt frоm blасk mеn. Hе muѕt bе саrіng аnd еnѕurе tо fulfіll hеr nееdѕ mеntаllу аnd рhуѕісаllу. Hе ѕhоuld аlwауѕ bе оn hеr ѕіdе durіng dіffісult ѕіtuаtіоnѕ аnd thеrеbу hеlр hеr tо fасе thе сhаllеngеѕ іn а ѕmаrt wау. In а wоrd, уоu hаvе tо bе tаkеn саrе hеrѕеlf.

Muѕt bе ѕеnѕіtіvе іn nаturе

Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо оnе оf thе vіtаl quаlіtіеѕ thаt blасk mеn muѕt роѕѕеѕѕ іn оrdеr tо mаkе whіtе wоmеn hарру. Hе muѕt bе ѕеnѕіtіvе еnоugh tо bе аwаrе аbоut thе thіngѕ thаt а bеаutіful gіrl wаntѕ frоm hіm. Sо bе саrеful оn thаt tо bе а hеrо.

Muѕt bе а gооd lіѕtеnеr

Whіtе wоmеn аlwауѕ еxресt blасk mеn tо bе а gооd lіѕtеnеr. Hе ѕhоuld аlwауѕ lіѕtеn tо hеr ѕіnсеrеlу аnd еvеn раtіеntlу whеn ѕhе іѕ аbоut tо dіѕсuѕѕ fеw thіngѕ rеlаtеd tо hеr ѕuссеѕѕ аnd fаіlurеѕ іn lіfе.

Thеѕе аrе ѕоmе оf thе vіtаl quаlіtіеѕ thаt whіtе wоmеn еxресt іn blасk mеn tо еnѕurе thаt thеіr rеlаtіоnѕhір dоеѕn’t gеt ruіnеd. Thе mеn whо саrrіеѕ thеѕе аrе rеаl hеrоеѕ tо а Lаtіnа. Sо kеер іn mіnd thеѕе bеfоrе dаtіng wіth аnу Lаtіnа.

 

3 tips for interracial dating in Washington DC

Washington, D.C., is a place with an abundance in mixed race couples, which is considered as a norm here. The interracial dating scene is quite vibrant here in spite of the positive, negative and some interesting opinions you get on the situation. In general, for many people interracial relationships are normal.

It is just a question of loving whomever one wants to love. Although there is not as much controversy over the issue, as it was once, there are still some things that you should be aware of, when you enter into the interracial dating scene in Washington, D.C.

Don’t stereotype

Some black men think that black women date only white men or vice versa. This can be seen even in well-educated articulate men and women of color in the country. Not only is this stereotyping a big misconception, but is also considered an insult by all the open minded interracial dating couples.

You need to understand that a person’s race is just a part of the person and should not be a factor that decides your decision to date. The entire purpose of dating is to find a person who is entertaining and can connect with you and generally make you feel happy. The fact that a person is white, black, Latino, Asian or middle eastern does not and should not matter in any way.

Look for qualities

When you start black white dating, you should know the qualities you want in a person. Decide on the character traits that are absolutely needed in the person and the positives that balance your weaknesses. Even if opposites attract is a common theory alluded to in relationships, when the differences are more complex, so will be the potential conflicts.

In interracial dating, you will have to deal with a lot of differences such as history, culture, attitudes, tradition and philosophies. Decide on the things that matter the most. Make sure you are agreeable on gender roles and connect on the emotional, intellectual and spiritual level. This way the differences would not matter much when you are agreeable on the things that are vital.

Avoid comparisons

Sharing cultural experiences is a most looked forward to feeling in interracial dating. The differences in music, food and tradition should be celebrated and honored, if you want the relationship to continue in a healthy way. Avoid making comparisons that may make a person’s culture or family look demeaning.

And it is wrong to expect the bonds to your family to be equally strong or weak as that of your partner’s. Try to be considerate when you learn things about your partner. Avoid making hasty conclusions, instead ask attentive questions and expect to deal with difficult conversations as it is normal for cultures to clash.

A study done by Stanford University reveals that nearly 7 percent of marriages in America are multiracial. This is higher than the statistics taken back in 1970s. If you want to succeed in interracial dating, you should be able to put aside your differences and unite on the common issues. When you approach a relationship with an open mind you are bound to make it a long lasting and happy one.

Meet the family when I am in an interracial relationship

I’m in an interracial relationship. A week before I was to meet my fiancé’s family for the first time over thanksgiving he casually mentioned the fact that many people in his family are huge Trump supporters. I waved away the rest of the conversation and asked him why he didn’t think to mention this before.

“Does it matter?” he asked.

Does it? You see, I’m Latino, and recently the fact seems to matter more and more to the people around me. Random acquaintances and strangers have begun to make increasingly racist comments and my facebook timeline is increasingly filled with vehement messages and equally vehement counter arguments about the dangers of illegal immigrants (Mexicans in particular). It made sense for me to be apprehensive and try as I might I couldn’t get any more details about how much I should actually be worried.

“You’ve met my parents, they don’t care. What does it matter what a great aunt or a couple of cousins think? What are you worried about?”

I worried mostly about there being a scene and I worried about losing my temper. I went through a million different scenarios in my head that began with a comment and ended with a fistfight, or worse, tears.

We arrived after most of his family was assembled and I felt a hush fall and all eyes being drawn to me. I like to think that I imagined the disdainful looks. My future mother-in-law rushed forward with a hug and a drink and took me around to introduce me to everybody. A sister, two brothers and a family friend were safely handled when a cousin loudly asked where my parents were from. My fiancé (who generally missed hints even when they hit him in the face) quickly stepped in with the answer and deflected the conversation into another channel.

I suspected that subtly coordinated efforts were made to keep me away from some of the more inflammatory Trumpets, but they weren’t always met with complete success. One person made vague references to my citizenship and another actually asked me if I was ‘legal’. My mood plummeted. I relaxed a little when dinner began, thinking that perhaps everyone would be too busy loading their plates to notice me anymore and decided that I may as well enjoy the food.

As I stood in a corner picking at some mashed potatoes, a young woman whose relationship to the family I couldn’t remember came towards me and started a conversation about clothes. She noticed my bad mood eventually, I suppose, because she soon stopped, looked me straight in the eye and said, “Why do you care what these people think?”

“They’re his family-“, I began before she cut me off again.

“You’re not marrying them, their opinion doesn’t matter. You’re a smart, beautiful woman and from what I’d heard about you I hadn’t expected you to let a bunch of racist ignoramuses get you down.”

I realised that she was right. Why did I care about what these people thought. I was engaged to a good man who loved me very much , I was successful for black women white men dating, reasonably happy, surely these people, these bigots had no power to affect me if I didn’t let them.

The loud cousin came back for another round and asked me where I’d been born. I smiled sweetly and replied, “The hospital.” My father-in-law-to-be caught my eye and winked.

Travelling with kids for an interracial relationship

The title of this blog post may sound ambiguous, but that’s because I simply didn’t understand how to describe my particular issue of mixed race dating. I have been married to an Indian for the last six years and while I wouldn’t exchange this time with anything, it has come with its own unique challenges.

My husband is very close to his family in India which means month long visits at least once every two years and while the trip makes for an enjoyable holiday, there are some things I wish I knew before hand after my kids were born.

Staying in touch

Having one set of grandparents who live in another country all together calls for a little extra effort to make sure that they don’t feel neglected. We have a regular, bi-weekly skype session that we only miss for emergencies. Sometimes we have entire skyped dinners, weddings and festivals (my brother-in-law ruined a laptop at Holi). Even if my kids aren’t enthusiastic all the time, my husband really appreciates it.

Travelling

We realised in the beginning that regular flights (with the accompanying gifts) meant a lot of money. We had to revamp our budget and cut corners. It helps to buy presents throughout the year in sales and bargains. Small things like gadgets, makeup and accessories can go a long way. Flights with stopovers are cheaper and be sure to examine all your options in terms of different airlines.

In another country

Water

If your family drinks bottled water then you’ll probably want to stick to it when you travel. Expect and be prepared for upset stomachs and either carry medication (laws vary) or ask your paediatrician for alternates that might be available in the country your visiting. My kids drink from the tap at home and my sister-in-law described a trick that helps transitioning. Start with a water bottle filled from your own tap. Drink half. Refill at the departure airport. Drink half of the mix. Refill in the plane, again drink half of the mix. Repeat at every stopover including the destination airport. This trick works quite well for me and my husband but I haven’t tried it on the kids, mostly because I don’t think I could handle the extra bathroom visits.

Food

My kids usually can’t manage too much spice and while their grandparents make an extra effort, we can’t always expect the same when other relatives ask us over. I tried to make my kids not turn up their noses but at the same time I have to tactfully repeat everywhere the fact that they’re not used to too much heat. Also take care of allergies. My youngest son has a nut allergy and my in-laws didn’t really take it seriously, mostly because allergies are rare in India. Relatives assumed that the kids are just finicky and often nuts came in unrecognizable forms as garnishes or in special sweetmeats.

Interacting with relatives

Physical distances are a bit different in different cultures. My children certainly weren’t used to all the extra hugs and kisses that came their way. Younger relatives (people my age or younger) seemed to understand this well but older people (great aunts, great uncles, yes they were all pretty involved) had more trouble understanding and sometimes took offence. Tact will go only go so far and it’s best to just move on and not dwell on small incidents. If you don’t do this, you’ll just spend your entire holiday in the middle of a stressful soap opera.

Finally

For all this to work you need to be very clear with your partner of mixed race dating about how far you are able and willing to accommodate his/her relatives. They should understand that you and the kids will need their space and endless visiting is not your idea of a vacation.

Be sure to enjoy yourself. Your children have been given a unique opportunity to take advantage of the best of both worlds and embody in themselves the fact that race, religion or the color of a person’s skin need not divide us as people seem to believe.