Category Archives: mixed race dating

Why are Fewer Black Women Interracially Dating than Black Men?

The subject of interracial marriage is at the forefront of many studies today and continues to be ingrained with much controversy.

According to the PEW Research Report (U.S. Census Bureau’s 2010 American Community Survey) only 4.6% of married black women married outside their race, while in contrast, 10.85 of black men married outside their race.  The least prevalent interracial mix is black women married to men of Asian descent, making up only two percent of the Census Bureau’s report on mixed race marriages.

Culturally Unacceptable

Although black men dating white women has become widely accepted, especially in celebrity matches, there are still some who consider such unions as a discredit and a disgrace to the black community while many black women are still raised with the understanding that marrying outside your race is taboo.

Cultural beliefs contribute much to the difference in percentages of black male interracial dating and black female interracial dating.Throughout history, many cultures considered marriage outside your race a taboo; especially for black women.Most cultures relied on the women to keep the bloodlines strong and their race growing.

Segregation played a major role in the abolishing of any interracial relationships with the constant threat of punishment by death as a constant reminder.
With the enactment of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, much of these threats were removed, but there are still the hate groups whose targets are generally the women and children, thus creating an ingrained sense of distrust in many black women.

The Educational Gap

Education has also proven to influence interracial relationships. Until recent years, black women were given few opportunities to advance their education.  Their roles were generally designated to care-giving and house-keeping skills.  Although black women have overcome the educational obstacles, they are still stereotyped in the single’s arena.  According to many of the dating apps used by singles seeking a black and white relationship, black women are the least desirable match
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Equal opportunity laws and fair labor practices have helped black men to climb the economics status ladder in leaps and bounds.  They appear to be more comfortable dating outside of their race then the black women, which contributes to the black woman’s Shrinking Violet status.

When it Comes Down to Religion

Religion also contributes to the consideration of an interracial relationship. Statics show Catholics have a larger percentage of interracial marriages then Protestants. This is widely attributed to the diversity of the Catholic population, and the fact that they choose their parishes according to geography rather than ethnicity.

The difference is especially noticeable in the Midwest and Western states.  Their early influence was Wesleyan and German Protestant.  Protestant continues to be the dominant religion among the white, Western population, further limiting the chances for socialization among black, non-Protestant women.

The Ethnic Hurdle

The difference in ethnic backgrounds still ranks as one of the largest obstacles in an interracial relationship.  There are still societies of black women who adhere to the belief that they must carry on the family names and their race. These women will choose to marry only a black man regardless of social stature. They are often highly educated and insist on instilling their beliefs in their offspring
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The black woman’s role in society grew more slowly than the roles for black males.  Taking the leap to interracial dating often means putting aside religious and ethnic differences, which traditional black women find difficult. It’s a leap of faith. Even among non-traditional black women, there are constant and painful reminders that they are understood only as stereotypes, and that swirling is meant for black men and not black women.

Travelling with kids for an interracial relationship

The title of this blog post may sound ambiguous, but that’s because I simply didn’t understand how to describe my particular issue of mixed race dating. I have been married to an Indian for the last six years and while I wouldn’t exchange this time with anything, it has come with its own unique challenges.

My husband is very close to his family in India which means month long visits at least once every two years and while the trip makes for an enjoyable holiday, there are some things I wish I knew before hand after my kids were born.

Staying in touch

Having one set of grandparents who live in another country all together calls for a little extra effort to make sure that they don’t feel neglected. We have a regular, bi-weekly skype session that we only miss for emergencies. Sometimes we have entire skyped dinners, weddings and festivals (my brother-in-law ruined a laptop at Holi). Even if my kids aren’t enthusiastic all the time, my husband really appreciates it.

Travelling

We realised in the beginning that regular flights (with the accompanying gifts) meant a lot of money. We had to revamp our budget and cut corners. It helps to buy presents throughout the year in sales and bargains. Small things like gadgets, makeup and accessories can go a long way. Flights with stopovers are cheaper and be sure to examine all your options in terms of different airlines.

In another country

Water

If your family drinks bottled water then you’ll probably want to stick to it when you travel. Expect and be prepared for upset stomachs and either carry medication (laws vary) or ask your paediatrician for alternates that might be available in the country your visiting. My kids drink from the tap at home and my sister-in-law described a trick that helps transitioning. Start with a water bottle filled from your own tap. Drink half. Refill at the departure airport. Drink half of the mix. Refill in the plane, again drink half of the mix. Repeat at every stopover including the destination airport. This trick works quite well for me and my husband but I haven’t tried it on the kids, mostly because I don’t think I could handle the extra bathroom visits.

Food

My kids usually can’t manage too much spice and while their grandparents make an extra effort, we can’t always expect the same when other relatives ask us over. I tried to make my kids not turn up their noses but at the same time I have to tactfully repeat everywhere the fact that they’re not used to too much heat. Also take care of allergies. My youngest son has a nut allergy and my in-laws didn’t really take it seriously, mostly because allergies are rare in India. Relatives assumed that the kids are just finicky and often nuts came in unrecognizable forms as garnishes or in special sweetmeats.

Interacting with relatives

Physical distances are a bit different in different cultures. My children certainly weren’t used to all the extra hugs and kisses that came their way. Younger relatives (people my age or younger) seemed to understand this well but older people (great aunts, great uncles, yes they were all pretty involved) had more trouble understanding and sometimes took offence. Tact will go only go so far and it’s best to just move on and not dwell on small incidents. If you don’t do this, you’ll just spend your entire holiday in the middle of a stressful soap opera.

Finally

For all this to work you need to be very clear with your partner of mixed race dating about how far you are able and willing to accommodate his/her relatives. They should understand that you and the kids will need their space and endless visiting is not your idea of a vacation.

Be sure to enjoy yourself. Your children have been given a unique opportunity to take advantage of the best of both worlds and embody in themselves the fact that race, religion or the color of a person’s skin need not divide us as people seem to believe.