Category Archives: mixed race dating

Is black women white men dating At Work Accepted?

Dating at work is already a loaded topic, but what happens when you add being an interracial couple to that mix? There are a few black women white men dating questions you should ask yourself before you decide to cozy up with someone of a different race that works with you.

1. Should you leave together?

This can feel really awkward when doing it in front of your co-workers. It will feel even more awkward when your co-workers aren’t used to being around interracial couples. Which leads us to the next question…

2. Should you hide it from your co-workers?

This is a tricky one.

While nobody should feel like they have to hide their interracial relationship for fear of judgment, there is no denying that it would be a whole lot easier to deal with in a work setting.

Hiding it means there will be no awkward tension, weird questions, or rumors going around about you and your love interest.

Unfortunately though, this isn’t the most practical solution. A slip in conversation or a lingering look can lead to co-workers piecing together the truth. When they do find out that you’ve been hiding it, it will be even more scandalous than if you’d just been open about it.

3. What if you’re both up for the same promotion?

This type of situation would certainly cause tension in any relationship. Unfortunately, since prejudice is still rampant, the partner who doesn’t get the promotion may feel like the decision was influenced by race.

That can cause tension and resentment in even the most stable and loving relationship. Furthermore, what if one of you is promoted above the other? Would it be right to be in charge of your significant other?

4. How do you get alone time when you live together as well?

Imagine living with someone and working with someone. You would literally see them every single day, all day long. You will even end up commuting together and hitting the gym together afterwards, meaning that you will rarely be spending time apart.

This can cause tension and boredom in a relationship. If you’re choosing to date someone you work with, make sure both of you still have regular alone time for personal hobbies or hanging out with friends.

5. Should you be eating lunch together?

While you may feel obligated or enticed to eat lunch with them every day, it would probably be better to grab lunch with different co-workers or even enjoy it alone every now and again.

Not only will this prevent overkill from being in each other’s company, but you won’t be one of those annoying work couples who constantly have to hang around each other.

6. Is it accepted?

To summarize the general question of this article, yes. It is accepted to date interracially at work in most cases. There are exceptions, but usually it has to do with policy against workplace romance, not interracial romance.

Even though it’s accepted, be aware that you will still be facing a lot of unique challenges in your interracial relationship.

Why are Fewer Black Women Interracially Dating than Black Men?

The subject of interracial marriage is at the forefront of many studies today and continues to be ingrained with much controversy.

According to the PEW Research Report (U.S. Census Bureau’s 2010 American Community Survey) only 4.6% of married black women married outside their race, while in contrast, 10.85 of black men married outside their race.  The least prevalent interracial mix is black women married to men of Asian descent, making up only two percent of the Census Bureau’s report on mixed race marriages.

Culturally Unacceptable

Although black men dating white women has become widely accepted, especially in celebrity matches, there are still some who consider such unions as a discredit and a disgrace to the black community while many black women are still raised with the understanding that marrying outside your race is taboo.

Cultural beliefs contribute much to the difference in percentages of black male interracial dating and black female interracial dating.Throughout history, many cultures considered marriage outside your race a taboo; especially for black women.Most cultures relied on the women to keep the bloodlines strong and their race growing.

Segregation played a major role in the abolishing of any interracial relationships with the constant threat of punishment by death as a constant reminder.
With the enactment of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, much of these threats were removed, but there are still the hate groups whose targets are generally the women and children, thus creating an ingrained sense of distrust in many black women.

The Educational Gap

Education has also proven to influence interracial relationships. Until recent years, black women were given few opportunities to advance their education.  Their roles were generally designated to care-giving and house-keeping skills.  Although black women have overcome the educational obstacles, they are still stereotyped in the single’s arena.  According to many of the dating apps used by singles seeking a black and white relationship, black women are the least desirable match
.
Equal opportunity laws and fair labor practices have helped black men to climb the economics status ladder in leaps and bounds.  They appear to be more comfortable dating outside of their race then the black women, which contributes to the black woman’s Shrinking Violet status.

When it Comes Down to Religion

Religion also contributes to the consideration of an interracial relationship. Statics show Catholics have a larger percentage of interracial marriages then Protestants. This is widely attributed to the diversity of the Catholic population, and the fact that they choose their parishes according to geography rather than ethnicity.

The difference is especially noticeable in the Midwest and Western states.  Their early influence was Wesleyan and German Protestant.  Protestant continues to be the dominant religion among the white, Western population, further limiting the chances for socialization among black, non-Protestant women.

The Ethnic Hurdle

The difference in ethnic backgrounds still ranks as one of the largest obstacles in an interracial relationship.  There are still societies of black women who adhere to the belief that they must carry on the family names and their race. These women will choose to marry only a black man regardless of social stature. They are often highly educated and insist on instilling their beliefs in their offspring
.
The black woman’s role in society grew more slowly than the roles for black males.  Taking the leap to interracial dating often means putting aside religious and ethnic differences, which traditional black women find difficult. It’s a leap of faith. Even among non-traditional black women, there are constant and painful reminders that they are understood only as stereotypes, and that swirling is meant for black men and not black women.

Travelling with kids for an interracial relationship

The title of this blog post may sound ambiguous, but that’s because I simply didn’t understand how to describe my particular issue of mixed race dating. I have been married to an Indian for the last six years and while I wouldn’t exchange this time with anything, it has come with its own unique challenges.

My husband is very close to his family in India which means month long visits at least once every two years and while the trip makes for an enjoyable holiday, there are some things I wish I knew before hand after my kids were born.

Staying in touch

Having one set of grandparents who live in another country all together calls for a little extra effort to make sure that they don’t feel neglected. We have a regular, bi-weekly skype session that we only miss for emergencies. Sometimes we have entire skyped dinners, weddings and festivals (my brother-in-law ruined a laptop at Holi). Even if my kids aren’t enthusiastic all the time, my husband really appreciates it.

Travelling

We realised in the beginning that regular flights (with the accompanying gifts) meant a lot of money. We had to revamp our budget and cut corners. It helps to buy presents throughout the year in sales and bargains. Small things like gadgets, makeup and accessories can go a long way. Flights with stopovers are cheaper and be sure to examine all your options in terms of different airlines.

In another country

Water

If your family drinks bottled water then you’ll probably want to stick to it when you travel. Expect and be prepared for upset stomachs and either carry medication (laws vary) or ask your paediatrician for alternates that might be available in the country your visiting. My kids drink from the tap at home and my sister-in-law described a trick that helps transitioning. Start with a water bottle filled from your own tap. Drink half. Refill at the departure airport. Drink half of the mix. Refill in the plane, again drink half of the mix. Repeat at every stopover including the destination airport. This trick works quite well for me and my husband but I haven’t tried it on the kids, mostly because I don’t think I could handle the extra bathroom visits.

Food

My kids usually can’t manage too much spice and while their grandparents make an extra effort, we can’t always expect the same when other relatives ask us over. I tried to make my kids not turn up their noses but at the same time I have to tactfully repeat everywhere the fact that they’re not used to too much heat. Also take care of allergies. My youngest son has a nut allergy and my in-laws didn’t really take it seriously, mostly because allergies are rare in India. Relatives assumed that the kids are just finicky and often nuts came in unrecognizable forms as garnishes or in special sweetmeats.

Interacting with relatives

Physical distances are a bit different in different cultures. My children certainly weren’t used to all the extra hugs and kisses that came their way. Younger relatives (people my age or younger) seemed to understand this well but older people (great aunts, great uncles, yes they were all pretty involved) had more trouble understanding and sometimes took offence. Tact will go only go so far and it’s best to just move on and not dwell on small incidents. If you don’t do this, you’ll just spend your entire holiday in the middle of a stressful soap opera.

Finally

For all this to work you need to be very clear with your partner of mixed race dating about how far you are able and willing to accommodate his/her relatives. They should understand that you and the kids will need their space and endless visiting is not your idea of a vacation.

Be sure to enjoy yourself. Your children have been given a unique opportunity to take advantage of the best of both worlds and embody in themselves the fact that race, religion or the color of a person’s skin need not divide us as people seem to believe.